who dat?

I've been a hair stylist since 2006. Not only was I around MY blowdryer, but everyone else's as well. Let me tell ya- those tools can do a number on your hearing. If you know me, you're probably aware that you need to speak up, and make sure I can see your mouth when you're talking to me. If you REALLY know me, you know that I think life would be better with closed captioning. (For anyone who's concerned, don't be. I don't need bell tones just yet!)

Despite my hearing being on the fritz, my ability to observe detail is pretty good. I can tell minor color changes, notice when things aren't quite level, and am pretty good with faces!! 

Once while watching a new TV show my husband pointed out a character that was in another show we loved. I laughed. 

Who appeared to him as the same character in our other show, was, to me, very obviously a different actor. 

To be fair, there were an overwhelming number of SIMILAR features. But the difference was his eyes weren't able to spot the many-though-minor differences between the two men. 

Has that ever happened to you?? Where you THINK you saw someone, only to find out after approaching them it wasn't actually who you thought? Or maybe that's happened to you more how it happened to my husband- with characters in movies or shows.

No matter the instance, no matter how old you are, it can still leave you feeling a little silly when you realize you were mistaken. I was newly 37 when I, with my self-proclaimed-ability-to-spot-the-differenes- made the biggest mistake yet. 

I've battled depression since I was a kid. I've worked through some hard times, great times, dark times, and times of pure delight. I've not experienced literal voices, but there's never been a lack of that infamous negative self talk:

"Emily,  you'll never get voted in."

"Emily there's no WAY you'll make the team"

"Em, come on. Did you really think they'd like you?"

"Em, you should really just. give. up."

Despite having matured in my faith and KNOWING those thoughts aren't from above, that's about as far as I go. 

"They aren't from above, keep movin'."

It wasn't until a dear sister shared something with me after one of our Bible studies that I realized if I wanted to get some relief from these thoughts, I couldn't just "keep moving". 

Maybe you've experienced this too: the thoughts come racing through you head at what is probably a million mph, but they take their sweet time as they flash before your eyes and get burned into your heart. Like a bad 80s montage. It's not just ONE thought, either. It's a nasty (false) statement, followed by a MOB of angry comments "solidifying" that nasty remark. You're so focused on what is being said and processing it, you don't even think about who's saying it. 

The enemy.

It's the enemy, right? I mean, those thoughts aren't from above, so it has to be him, right?? 

Partially true. Those thoughts are coming from the enemy, but the tricky part is, he's using your voice🤯. That's exactly what rocked my mind when this dear woman said that to me. We were talking about how the enemy is always in our heads, and then she said it: "and he uses your voice". 😵‍💫 It was a little hard to keep up with the conversation because I was FLOODED with emotions:

🤦🏻‍♀️I wasn't totally surprised that the father of lies would use ME to get to me...

🫣A little embarrassed that between my attention to detail and faith I couldn't have figured this out earlier- or on my own! 

🫠Humbled because ☝🏽, ego. 

😌relieved because now, after decades of thinking "what is wrong with me??" and "why do I hate myself so much?" I knew that wasn't (all) me, and felt some pressure fade away. 

Oh how typical that the enemy would use someone great, awesome, wonderful- me and you- to do his dirty work. 

Next time the enemy uses my voice- or ANYONE'S for that matter- to get in my head, I'm going to be a lot more prepared to shake it off and know that whatever is playing like a bad 90s pop song in my head, it's a sad sad tune written by someone who's opinion I DO NOT want. 

In the spirit of bad pop songs that get stuck in your head: 

Chumba Wumba- I get knocked down 

🤷🏻‍♀️Sorry 🫣 but you can also cling to these:

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. -1 Peter 5:8

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. -Ephesians 6:11

Read my post "What's your name?" if you struggle with worrying about what anyone other than our Father above thinks of you!

You are the ONE He left the 99 for. His voice, however quiet it may seem, is never gone from you.