But are you?

In addition to aspiring blog-writer-person, I'm also a hairstylist and salon owner. A common theme I've encountered since March 2020 has been a struggle trying to (re)connect with people.

I'm not saying all- if any- of your friendships or relationships took a hit, but I know for a LOT OF PEOPLE- me included- things changed. I dug into my bible and a study from Jennie Allen, and realized I had a LOT of work to do. Everything you're about to read is something I've put myself through- and I can happily say not only did I SURVIVE it all, but I've never felt more connected in an area where the closest family member is 2 ½ hours away.... I pray you know my heart is to help you feel more connected and less isolated. Independence has dominated my choices, actions, and habits, and I'm slowly unlearning them; letting people IN rather than build another wall. I pray this post finds you well and your heart is softened to receive it with love. 

Regardless of what side of the fence you were on, you can't argue that things are different. We shop different, we did school different, sports, appointments, eating out, work was even different. All of those things USED to involve a lot of human interaction, and now they still involved humans, just a lot less interaction. Now that things are chilling out a little and the hype has died down, one thing remains:

The majority of people, in one way or another, are struggling to connect with someone deeper than "surface level". 

"Not me! I'm good!"-- did your inner voice just say that?

Or did yours say something like "I'm trying I just can't seem to connect with anyone! Everyone is just too busy!"

Neither one is wrong, but I would like to challenge both. (If you end up reading more than one of my blog posts, you'll learn I love to challenge my own way of thinking, as well as my friends!)

If you're "good!":

• Are you happy with the depth of the relationships you have?
• Do you have a few SOLID people you can call in the middle of a cry, or that can come over when your house looks like an episode of hoarders?
• Are you regularly meeting people IN PERSON to talk about what's actually happening in your lives?

If you're "trying" : (this is really the bread and butter of this one.)

Have you ever *honestly* said these:

•  "I set up all sorts of play/coffee/lunch dates and they never end up happening!"
• "If I'm not the one to reach out, it just doesn't happen."
• "Nobody is ever available because of: kids, sports, work, social events, etc."

Question for us "try-ers": When you say you're trying, are you STATING you'd like to connect with someone, or are you ASKING someone to connect and being a little vulnerable?

Challenge for us "try-ers": First, let's answer that question very honestly. (I'm answering too!) Next, look deeper. If you are STATING you'd like to connect, I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and add the ASK. 

This is what it looks like for me- "hi! I would love to get coffee/lunch/have play date with you!! When are you free this week?! I don't want this to *not actually happen*, so let's set it up!

It can feel weird at first, but how special would you feel if someone came up to you and said they would love an opportunity?! This has happened to me ONE TIME for the 10+ times I've pursued someone, and let me tell you, I had FRIEND BUTTERFLIES!!! It was INSANE how seen and cool and loved on I felt?! That was fuel to KEEP ASKING OTHERS!! (Though I totally relished in that feeling for like a week!)

What you gain by pursuing others are deeper connections, more people to lean into when you're hurting, more people to borrow something from than buying at Walmart, more people to call when you need a ride. 

If you're hesitant to ask first, or you don't think it's fair, think about Jesus. He legit did ALL the pursuing. Unless someone needed something, ya know, like a nearly dead child brought back to life, a lifetime of bleeding to stop, or vision restored-- just to name a few. 

It's gut wrenching to think about how petty I get about asking someone who *might* say no, when God pursues me all day, every day, only for me to give him the cold-shoulder time and time again. What if He stopped pursuing me because I either left him on "read", or kept cancelling last minute?? THAT is a scary thought. 

We'll never love like God does. But we can TRY to PURSUE more like Him. Of course it will be flawed because we're flawed, but God loves a cheerful giver, and what better thing to give than fellowship with other image-bearers?

Friend, I hope you feel encouraged to step out of your comfort zone, to put yourself and your feelings aside, and do something that could drastically change the trajectory of your life, or someone else's. I pray that every ask is done with a Mary heart; one of willingness and ease. Don't ask with a Martha heart; dutiful and task-like. God sees your effort, no matter how small. Thank you for listening, and more importantly, thank you for trying. 

You're the 1 He left the 99 for. That's worth celebrating.