The OG Black Sheep
The One Society has been on my heart for a year now. I just never really knew how to bring it to life. I had dreams of Bible Studies, stores, merch, you name it... but it wasn't until I was at a breaking point in our hotel room that I finally heard God telling me what I needed to do.
Picture it: a very crowded hotel room with me and my three-very-overstimulated-kids while my husband is at a vendor show for his new business venture for 9 hours a day, for 3 days. Screens galore, pizza boxes stacked to the ceiling, apple and carrot peels scattered all over because I do try to feed them REAL food while we're at a show, and clothes and swimsuits strewn all over because my youngest is a gremlin. One kid grunts for a pb & j so he can eat it fast and use the blankets as a napkin, one wants Mac and cheese reheated from Red Robin but not warm- just not TOO cold, and the youngest is trying to pour her coffee (yes. she drinks coffee in small amounts) into a cup WITHOUT a lid because heaven forbid we avoid spills... lets just say we have OFFICIALLY earned our badge for having "THAT family vacation"....
Did I mention today is also my 11 year wedding anniversary?
(**Full disclosure- I knew full well what would happen when we got to this hotel. We weren't able to get a suite like we normally do, so the kids would feel like they were sardines- we like our space. Food would be all over since there wasn't a designated kitchen area, and the bathroom was going to be an explosion since it wasn't separate from the sink area. Don't get me wrong, the hotel room we're in is just fine. I just think that when we do another trip to a show we'll look around until we can get a suite.)
Fast forward to day 4 of chaos, and mommy has just about had it. Overstimulated doesn't even begin to describe it. I'm a light sleeper, so add that to the mix and you've got a recipe for a melt down.
But leave it to God to use everything- even my mommy meltdown- for GOOD. In the middle of tears trying to peel an apple, wipe a nose, and ask for the volume to be turned down on a tablet, God met me right where I was at, and gave me a choice:
1.) I could allow the enemy to keep occupying prime real estate in my heart and my mind, resulting in tears and frustration for everyone,
or
2.) I could use my gift of writing to not only regulate myself and my emotions for my family's sake, but maybe for the sake of another mom (or dad) as well.
I chose #2. And that's when God told me that The One Society is going to be a blog.
While in that mommy-meltdown, I felt like I was "the only one" trying to balance multiple businesses and a family. I was "the only one" whose kids' screams can shatter glass and eardrums. "The only one" who struggled like this... whatever 'this' was. "The only one" who can't handle HER OWN KIDS. It made all the feelings of being a loner, loser, rejected, outcast black sheep come flooding back, and with it all the lies the enemy could fit in my brain.
"I am the sad, pitiful black sheep." woe. is. me.
A little light flickered in my brain reminding me that I'm NOT the only one who struggles with those things, even if nobody in my circle is talking about it. I'm also not the first person to navigate feeling like a black sheep.
JESUS is the OG Black Sheep.
He called out the "cool kids" when everyone else went with the flow- Luke 11:37-52
He sat with people others thought to be a little cringey- Mark 2:15-16
He didn't get all worked up when questioned - Matthew 26:63
He loved differently. - just read the whole Bible and you'll find the verse that speaks to you.
All of a sudden I didn't feel SO alone in my struggle. I kind of started to feel like I could get out of this without creating any trauma-based core memories for me or my kids around vacation.
Not trying to be melodramatic, but when I'm IN the meltdown, it is the storm of the century... category 5 hurricane... F5 tornado. Now that I'm out of it, I can admit it was a quick rain burst, with no flash flooding.
As much as I love going to shows with my husband, there's always a level of struggle we're going to face. That's just how family vacations roll- here at least. But I know that this experience would have ABSOLUTELY been more stressful than it was if I wasn't regularly attending church, plugging in to serve, and ACTIVELY PURSUING other people at church to connect with.
Congratulations on being part of an epiphany with me! As I was typing that I am actively pursuing people at church to connect with, I realized that I'm finding my flock. The "black" in black sheep is now just a color, like how my hair is blue. It doesn't represent an outlier, or someone who doesn't fit in. It's just the color of the wool I'm sporting.
You're the 1 He left the 99 for. That's worth celebrating.