A.D.D. Prayer
If you happened to read the "about me" section, you read that I grew up Catholic. You also read that I'm a Stylist/Salon Owner, so you can probably deduce that next to the pretty good grades on my report cards, was also a note saying "Emily talks too much." Or something along those lines.
Rewind to little Emily; before she was a Stylist, and she was attending Catholic school where she was putting her good memory to the test with memorizing all the prayers required per grade. (fellow Catholic schoolers: can we take a moment to remember the dreaded 2nd grade when you had to memorize some LONG prayers?!)
I digress. But not really. It's actually right. on. cue.
SO. Little Emily would be waking up, about to eat, or going to bed, and rattling off the specified prayer for that time of day or occasion. That was how prayer was not only taught to me in school, but modeled at home. We prayed the "regular" prayer, and carried on. Something in me though, we'll call it "the stylist", just felt like if I was going to be asking and asking all these things of God, it wouldn't hurt to.... I don't know, talk to Him a bit!?
I would say the prayer, and just talk- and talk and talk and talk. I remember from a young age just TALKING to God about things, asking him things, offering to trade my warmth and comfort with the frost the homeless felt in the winter time. (I remember praying that and wincing as if I would be teleported to the temps they experienced.)
The older I got, my walk looked a lot different. Catholic school stopped for Jr. High and High School, and after that it was a year at University of Iowa then Cosmetology school. I started my career before my peers were halfway done with undergrad. "I was finally grown up"; or so I thought. Here I am at 37 wondering when I'll grow up. I'd go to church around Christmas and Easter, or when I was in a dark place and figured simply attending church would do the trick.
My prayers, however, evolved from the structured, memorized prayers I learned as a child, to more casual conversations with God.
I thought I had a fairly decent prayer life. I remembered all the friends and family, I checked all the boxes before I got too tired because I wouldn't ever want to fall asleep praying; what an insult that must be!?
Then I got saved in 2015. And everything changed. Again.
The prayer life I once would probably boast about (ugh that sounds so slimy but I think I probably would have before I got saved!) humbled me real quick. I learned that it was OK to ask God for big things! I learned that it was ok to not sound like an old Miss America speech wanting world peace and to end hunger.... Although those things were both great prayer requests, I learned how to seek God in honest, humble and sincere ways. I also learned that THANKING Him did more for me than I would have thought! Being thankful could be an entirely other post; but man does gratitude help you reach that extra mile. But I found that the more "the stylist" in me came out, my prayers-- although heartfelt and sincere-- were all over the place.
I have spoken to friends and asked them if they ever felt that way. Thankfully I wasn't the only one. But I still had some guilt about it. This is my time with God. GOD! I need to get it together and not be wasting His time with my babbling.
Don't worry- I smacked myself for you. That mindset ended when I was journaling and I said I had A.D.D. prayer. If you are also all over the place, you may feel like that too. But I hope and pray that you'll experience the breakthrough I had when looking at my journal entry.
Looking down at my crisp print, I had written "ADD prayer". It caused me to pause for a moment. Originally I had intended "ADD" to stand for Attention Deficit Disorder; a diagnosis far too overused for one's inability to have laser focus 1000000000% of the time. But the more I looked down at the word, I saw ADD. Like "addition". There it was. LIGHTBULB!
God LOVES me talking to Him- especially if I fall asleep in His arms doing it! He loves the prayer requests, questions, concerns, and conversations only He and I could have.
So, what I was doing wasn't:
- a distraction
- annoying
- a waste of His time
- anything bad at all.
What I was doing, was ADDING TIME WITH MY GOOD FATHER WHO WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH ME AS POSSIBLE.
So friend, please remember that the next time you're thinking about your prayer life, or your walk with the Lord, if it goes "all over the place", that's ok! Just keep it about Him! He's happy to guide you, and the Holy Spirit it happy to be your Helper- You've got to take the first step in faith though. The Trinity hasn't done it for us yet, and They aren't about to start now.
You are the ONE He left the 99 for. Keep ADDing time with Him; even if it doesn't look perfect.