Ashes to Beauty

I think this expression in common outside of Christianity, too. I've also heard it said in other ways, which, now that I'm on the spot I can't think of any of them. But there's a lot of ways to say "from <something less than desirable> to <something admired and adorned>." 

When I take a second to really think on the words, I'm not picturing a basic vase, suddenly transformed by elaborate markings and jewels. Or a beautiful gown suddenly appearing from a  potato sack. Usually, it's the transformation in someone's life: the child growing up in an abusive home and grows into an adult truly evoking change in families of similar situations. Marriages on the brink of divorce, but are restored through the power of God.

I recently had a "from ashes to beauty" moment that I don't usually have. A physical, tangible thing, going from "less than desirable" to beautiful. 

Our church's women's Bible study is hosted and written by our Pastor's (PJ) wife. This season, she put together a lovely workbook/journal for us. It was designed with the intent that we are spending more thorough and intentional time in the Word, to more clearly hear what God is saying to us. (And if He isn't speaking, how can we press forward?)

Now I don't know about you, but I'm super selective about my writing  utensils. Especially after surrendering my life to the Lord and actually using/taking some notes in my Bible. Some pens are great on paper, but bleed right through your Bible. Others are great for the delicate Bible pages, but just ok in a notebook. Pencils can tear Bible page or just smudge... it's a whole event choosing a utensil. 

Anyway, one night at Bible study I reached in my bag and grabbed a felt tip pen that came with my translucent sticky notes. I didn't use it for my Bible- I knew better- but I used it in my workbook. I've been using felt tip pens the last few weeks, so nothing new. I take my usual notes/drawings, close up, pray with a sister, and head home. 

The next day I got my journal out, eager to see what the Lord wanted to tell me that day. I had things in a little bit of order around the house, so I felt confident in the time I was going to have with Him. Until I opened my journal. 

What I said was "oh, good!", but what I meant was "Well! This is ruined, why bother?"

I say "oh, good!" when things aren't going like I planned/hoped/envisioned because it helps change the trajectory of what's going on. If I would have said "this is awful, why even bother!?", I probably would have just slammed It shut, and skipped that day because of the bleeding my felt tip pen caused. 

I looked at the dirty looking page, wondering how I could possibly salvage it. Writing with the same marker would help me see what I was writing, but it would equally destroy the notes I had taken the night before. I could kiss using a pencil goodbye because even on a
"clean" page it's light, and hard to read. I accepted defeat that there wasn't anything I could do with my ball point pen to salvage this page... 💔

But God had other plans.
Emily was ready to throw in the towel. God showed me that this page was not only able to be used, but it would serve a DUAL purpose. I hadn't even touched the pen to the paper and God was speaking to me! I started to write out my prayer, then quickly snapped this photo to remember this moment. This conversation. This lesson from God. 

God reminded me that HE, and HE ALONE is the Author of my life. I'm just the annoying editor with poor grammar who's trying to "improve" His Work... 🫣 He showed me that I am so foolish. So very, very foolish. I was so excited for my time with GOD. My heart was ready, and so was my house: generally picked up, snacks and entertainment at the ready so I could remain uninterrupted for a short time.... This was gonna be good. But in less than a second- I was ready to SCRAP MY TIME WITH THE LORD BECAUSE OF "DIRTY" PAPER!? That's even more cringey than reading about the Israelites whining in Exodus.... 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 Since nobody starts their morning with the hope of being a giant fool that day, I put on my big girl pants and proceeded in the quiet time. 

I mean it was technically quiet. My brain was super loud... just beating myself up over how silly I was. Here I thought I was doing a good thing by taking notes. I draw pictures with them, doodle rather, because it helps my brain stay focused. I don't really go back and reference them because the images I draw or doodle help me retain in a more applicable way. I felt like the enemy was using my creative strengths against me; "sure, take alllll the notes Em! Doodle to your heart's content! Maybe make a dark shadow behind that one. That outline could be thicker, don't you think? We really want that to stand out!"

The enemy being so typical: using someone else's strengths to his advantage because, aside from lying, he ain't got much goin' on.... 

All that so what I turned the page, I would be discouraged by my God-given-creative-strengths. The enemy knows how much I "need" a clean slate to do my thing. So if that page was coincidentally "ruined" by something I did, he wins. 

Wrong. 

God also used the weakness I have- giving up when things are less than perfect, dirty, crumbled, etc.- to show me that with the help of the Author of my life, I could turn that into something beautiful. What happened on those pages that day was not only super inspiring and insightful, but also lead me to a deep craving for more. I wasn't planning on doing more than one day of "homework", but man the Lord was moving in me after that break through. I was inspired for, and freed from fear about starting a video podcast. I was able to share things with friends that led to ALL the gratitude pouring out, there was some more but you get the gist. The enemy thought he was going to ruin what God had done. 

God knew....

And, typical God, He went ahead and used the enemy's feeble attempt at pulling me way to DUALLY show me how loved and treasured I am to Him. How cool is our God. 

Ya know, I bet stuff like this happens to you every day doesn't it? I mean, He loves you just as much as He loves me...

If you said "yes!" that's awesome. Keep digging in with humility. I find those are the moments God shows me the deepest stuff!

If you were like "no, that never happens." I'd like to challenge your thinking. I ask you to slow down, spend more time talking to God throughout your day, and see if it actually is happening, and you're just too self-absorbed to see it. (Not shaming or judging.... I'm this way OFTEN. How do you think I knew to say that? Like I said, God is showing me a few times a day that I'm what you might call a knuckle-head. You might even see my face under the definition of self-absorbed. If not there, maybe as a synonym) 

Listen, we have to look out for ourselves throughout the day. 2024 ain't for the feint of heart. All I am saying is, we can still look out for ourselves without losing sight of what is happen around us, and to others around us. 

How's God speaking to you? How are you speaking to Him? He is a patient and loving God, yes. But I think even the Author of your life would like it to be a two-way-conversation.....

YOU are the 1 He left the 99 for. Beauty comes from ashes; prepare your hearts to be refined by His fire.