emphasis, mine

I have always had some sort of relationship with Jesus thanks to my experiences in Catholic school as a kid. But it wasn't until I found Bible teaching churches that I realized how much we actually "get to" in our lives:

We get to have full bellies- even if it's not a five-star-meal.

We get to not only drink clean water, but throw it around in water balloons and water our grass...

We get to treat our minor ailments quickly with OTC remedies readily available. 

We get to wake up in comfortable and safe homes. 

We get to worship the One True God openly and freely!! 

We get to give and be generous to others..

Something about that last one, though...?

Over here in the USA, we are pretty comfortable. Even if you're not livin' your version of comfort; it's comfortable by the world's standards. So naturally, as we are on our fully charged smart phones, reading about poverty and those with less than us across the world, we can feel that, because we've been blessed with so much, then we should help others..

ahhhhhh, there it is. 

Do I get things, TO give and bless others?... or do I GET things, THEN have the desire to help and bless others?

I mean, both of those statements kind of 'flowed' out of my fingers, so which is it?

I mean the latter sounds a little slimy, especially as a believer... but if we're being honest- which is what I do here- I think I am a bit of both. 

Of course I spend many-a-moments thanking God for the things that I have been blessed with, and the ability to be a blessing to others. I'm grateful I get to. I also know that there are times I've wanted to be a blessing, but had to take a look at the calendar first to make sure it wouldn't put me in any sore of uncomfortable situation. 

(*disclaimer- I am not talking about paying a friend's mortgage while your family is behind on yours and you're eating ramen for a month. I'm talking about making a meal, running errands for, or doing a generally small-non-mortgage-sized-gesture for someone in need.)

I've looked at the calendar to see if it would be more convenient for me to bless them on Wednesday, even though today is the day that they're feeling down. I've looked at the calendar and asked if it would be better to just keep that "fun" appointment, and then go visit them; after all, I'll be refreshed so that'll be better for them..... right?

I don't know. I've been in hard spots where I needed someone right then, but I've also been in tough spots where "tomorrow is PERFECT!". The bottom line: if we're waiting to give until  we receive, how much are we really trusting in God's provisions??

The Israelites were in the middle of nowhere and questioning food, and BAM! God provided MANNA! The Israelites are over manna and want meat... quail until it's coming out of your nose. I mean if you wanted to take your gas guzzler on a hike to pray over a friend, I think God is going to provide in some way that makes you not go over budget. If you're looking at a low-stock cupboard, but are going to bring a meal to a woman recently widowed; I'm pretty sure God is going to take care of your next meal... 

I'm crying as I write this, because as I write, I'm frustrated and embarassed. I've wanted to make a meal or go see a friend, but I:

 doubt.

question.

wonder. 

hesitate.

on God's plan and timing of the situation. I will usually follow through, but like I said in the last action- I hesitate. What is causing me to hesitate in something so important for something as insignificant as money or time?? Especially when our God can create the universe in 7 days....  Pretty sure he could make tacos happen or a ¼ tank of gas work out. 

How is it possible for God- the Way Maker- to not make a way for me?!?! 

My hairs are numbered like anyone else's. - Matthew 10:30

I ask you today, to reflect on this with me sincerely. 

Do you get to give?

or

Do you get, then give?

If the latter, I want to pray this prayer over us today.

Lord, help me in my unbelief. I know You're the God who provides; who makes a way when there is no way. Help me put my trust in You and You alone. Strengthen me to rest in Your truth and step out in faith; help be abide in You. Thank you for humbling me to see this, and disciplining me to build my character. Help me be bold as I walk in obedience and share Your love with the world. We ask this in Jesus's name, Amen.

You are the ONE He left the 99 for. He's trusting you to be His hands and feet, trust Him to provide.